Seeking HIM . . . Not "the plan"

I call out to you, Lord seeking your face but mostly wanting to know your plan. What is it, Lord that you have planned? Could you just let me see what is up the road? The waiting is hard. The uncertainty is crushing. But I know that you are strengthening my faith when you bring a journey that stretches me. You have given me a glimpse, a very small glimpse of something that "could be." I struggle to know "will it be?" "when?" "how?" 

Of course, I don't want it to hurt. I don't watch to stretch so far that I feel it. Can we skip all the hard stuff and just receive the blessing? Could you just allow it to be easy? 

What if I am "hopeful" for nothing? Is this carrot dangling in front of me something that I can grab on to? How long will we chase it? How tired will we be? Or will you simply lay it before us?

I know you only allow us to see your plan in your time, as you choose to reveal it. Am I being impatient? Will this require sweat and blood?

As a parent, I often only allow my children one piece of information at a time because I know what they can handle. Sometimes, I withhold all of the information and surprise them with a car packed down for vacation. Sometimes, I make them work for it so the prize will mean more to them. What is your plan, God? Why have you allowed this tiny glimpse? Will it become nothing and fade away, leaving me with an ache that never existed before? Is it even from you? Will I pass it by and always wonder what could have been? What is this?

In the midst of the struggle, a friend pointed out Jeremiah 29:11-13 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

With special emphasis on verse 13: "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." 

You have a plan, Father. But the plan isn't what my heart should seek, it is you that I must seek with all of my heart. As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after thee. 

Driving home tonight from coffee with a friend, my heart fled back to a song that God gave me to pen about ten years ago. Here I shall share the words:

You are the peace that passes understanding.

You are the calm in my storm.

Jesus, you are the Holy One. The one true begotten Son.

You speak, peace into my life.

You hold me when the storm is raging.

You catch me when my grip is fading.

You love me when I'm holding on.

You smile when I desire you.

You grieve when I've forgotten you.

You run to me when I run to you.

You are the light that guides me everyday.

You are the shelter when I pray.

Jesus, you are my Savior. The one and only sacrifice.

You speak, love into my life.

You hold me when the storm is raging.

You catch me when my grip is fading.

You love me when I'm holding on.

You smile when I desire you.

You grieve when I've forgotten you.

You run to me when I run to you.

You are my peace, my life, my strength. 

You are my calm, my shelter, my guide.

Whether this is something from you or a stepping stone along life's path, have YOUR way in my life, Lord.

Smile :) donnamusing